Ranking the Best (and Worst) Places to Cry
I've always been a crier. Not because I'm a particularly sad person, but because I feel everything in life with a weird and unexplainable intensity. So that means I have experienced quite a range: Happy tears. Frustrated tears. Overwhelmed tears. Tears brought on by beautiful songs, goodbyes, and occasionally a particularly moving advertisement (I’m looking at you that one Sidekicks commercial from the 2000s).
As a result, I've shed tears in a truly impressive variety of locations.
Some were private.
Some were not.
Some deserve five stars.
Others I can’t say I would recommend.
Anyway, I’d consider myself a sort of expert on the matter. So, in the interest of public service, I've decided to publish my findings. Without further ado, a list of places to cry (and how I rank them in no particular order).
In the Bathroom at Work
This is probably the one I personally hate the most. Is there anything worse than looking at your blotchy face under the hum of blue greenish fluorescent lighting? Trying desperately to hide the redness around your eyes and nose you smear concealer around in vain, but it just makes you look white around the middle of your face like a ghost. You blink pointlessly a few times, but you’ve already been in here for far too long.
And while your tears may be dried your eyes are still glassy, red, and your eyelashes wet-a dead giveaway to your coworker who you have only ever exchanged a few polite exchanges with. You shuffle to your desk and dread anyone coming up to you, and spend the rest of the time desperately trying to hold it together and praying not to hear the cursed words “Are you okay?”. Great. Now you’re crying again.
Emotional ambience: ★☆☆☆☆
Privacy: ★★★☆☆
Main-character energy: ★☆☆☆☆
A Crowded Subway Ride During Rush Hour
Sure, you probably won’t see any of these strangers again, so in some ways it could feel anonymous despite all the people around you. But there is something incredibly humbling about sobbing on a train where a 6 year old child stares at you curiously like you’re a rare creature in a zoo, an older woman nods at you sympathetically, and the man next to you shuffles and tries to ignore you to the best of his ability. The best this can offer you is a sort of bastardized version of a main character moment, because hey, if you’re uncomfortable you might as well make everyone else too.
Emotional ambience: ★★☆☆☆
Privacy: ★★☆☆☆
Main-character energy: ★★★☆☆
Your bedroom floor, the kitchen floor at midnight…Any floor, really
There is something uniquely pathetic about this one, I don’t recommend it for that reason alone. Unless, you are laying on the floor looking up at the ceiling, which feels more existential than sad (but has a weird side effect of making you dissociate). But I have a strict rule, no sideways fetal positions allowed or crouching unless you want to feel like Bella in that one part of New Moon (and I think we can all agree no one wants to feel like that). Ultimately, this one is too melodramatic for me and you WILL feel like laughing at yourself at some point. Which one could argue might actually be a plus.
Emotional ambience: ★★☆☆☆
Privacy: ★★★★★
Main-character energy: ★★☆☆☆
In a Steamy Hot Shower After a Long Day
A classic and for good reason. Complete privacy, great acoustics, even you can’t tell your crying with all the water streaming down your face and rushing in your ears. It almost feels like you are literally washing away whatever is bothering you. I usually don’t take long showers, but this is one of the only exceptions to my no crouching on the floor rule. It just works so well, just enjoy the company of your lavender scented body wash and the scalding water and try not to worry about the water bill that might just make you cry more after a good session here.
Emotional ambience: ★★★★★
Privacy: ★★★★★
Main-character energy: ★★★★☆
A Random Parking Lot in Your Car
The random parking lot is a classic for a reason, it’s very therapeutic.
Something about being in a car makes you feel completely invisible. It becomes your own little emotional support room on wheels.
Need to cry? Great.
Need to rant to yourself for twenty minutes? Even better.
Need to listen to the same sad song six times in a row? Nobody can stop you.
You may accidentally make eye contact with a concerned stranger returning their shopping cart, but that's all part of the experience.
Bonus points for driving away afterwards with the windows down to dry your tears in the wind.
Emotional ambience: ★★★★★
Privacy: ★★★★☆
Main-character energy: ★★★★★
At the Beach, preferably at sunset
I recognize this one is a luxury that not all of us have at our disposal. But the beach isn't for everyday crying. The beach is for when you're having a moment.
Something about it seems to turn every problem you have into a metaphor. You sit there listening to the waves crash, staring dramatically at the horizon, and within ten minutes you've stopped thinking about your original problem and started thinking about the passage of time, the vastness of the universe, and whether you should run away to a small seaside town and become a completely different person.
The best part is, the beach has a strange ability to make your problems feel both incredibly important and incredibly small. Plus, the waves make an excellent backdrop for a breakdown and if you're going to have an existential crisis, you might as well do it with a nice view.
Emotional ambience: ★★★★★
Privacy: ★★★★★
Main-character energy: ★★★★★
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While I stand by these rankings, this is by no means a comprehensive list.
I'm sure I've overlooked several worthy contenders.
A bench at an airport.
A secluded aisle in a bookstore.
Over your popcorn at the movies (watch the extra salt factor here).
The possibilities are endless.
More importantly, I hope this article inspires you not to take your crying quite so seriously.
I've always thought crying gets a bad reputation. To me, it's never been a sign that something is wrong. Usually, it's a sign that something mattered.
Life is strange and beautiful and occasionally overwhelming. I think we're allowed to have big feelings about it.
So wherever your preferred crying location may be, I wish you privacy when needed, a good soundtrack when possible, and enough perspective to laugh about it later.
-M
